omg! i am sooooo tired.

went to the gwar concert last nite. it was actually very entertaining. wasn't in any danger of gettin hurt by aggressive metalheads because we weren't in the "slave den" ha ha...

didn't get even a dribble of blood on me. : )

i did get totally obnoxious in the spirit of things and spit water in kips face...three times...at the bar we went to afterwards. i was being a brat and thought it was funny. he got upset (not really mad) and was confused as to why i had did that to him. actually...my only response is...i just felt like it cause i was drunk and my adrenaline was up...much like the way yo, lorenzo and brian felt after the rockin' fischerspooner concert...they went on a stage diving frenzy! the show just effected me.

it was rather surprising to me. i think all of the heavy metal, gushing blood and moshing messed with my brain.

: )

Eileen, I give to you A Box of Love

May this little box
be a continual reminder
to you of all that
represents
what I love, cherish and hope for you

Inside you will find:

A LITTLE PRINCE
to be your guiding light
and to care for you
because you are a sweet
and tender soul


A LITTLE SOMETHING PRETTY
to celebrate your
uniqueness and radiant
glowing beauty


A LITTLE SOMETHING SWEET
to indulge in the deliciously
pleasant things in life

AND

THREE SILVER HEARTS
to represent all the
love, joy and happiness

that you have built upon
in your PAST

that you are experiencing
in the PRESENT

and all that is to come
in your FUTURE

Love you more than I
could ever clearly express!

Jo Ann

Happy 40th Birthday

pa‧tri‧ot‧ism  [pey-tree-uh-tiz-uhm or, especially Brit., pa-] –noun
devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty

patriotism
n : love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it [syn: nationalism]

---
Patriotism denotes positive and supportive attitudes to a 'fatherland' (Latin patria), by individuals and groups. The 'fatherland' can be a region or a city, but patriotism usually applies to a nation and/or a nation-state. Patriotism covers such attitudes as: pride in its achievements and culture, the desire to preserve its character, and identification with other members of the nation. In the modern world, patriotism is closely associated with nationalism, and is often used as a synonym for it. Strictly speaking, nationalism is an ideology - but it often promotes patriotic attitudes as desirable and appropriate. (Both nationalist political movements, and patriotic expression, may be negative towards other people's 'fatherland').

Patriotism has connotations of self-sacrifice, implying that the individual should place the interests of the nation, and common good of its political community, above their personal and group interests. In wartime,the sacrifice may extend to their own life. In this context, patriotism is seen as an explanation for the apparent suspension of the instinct for self-preservation, which implies that no-one would voluntarily serve in a wartime army.

Patriotism has other ethical connotations: it implies that the fatherland (however defined) is a moral standard or moral value in itself. The expression my country right or wrong - perhaps a misquotation of the American naval officer Stephen Decatur, but also attributed to Carl Schurz - is the extreme form of this belief.
---

this is an interesting notion
am i really willing to sacrifice
for my country?

hmmmm....not sure about that one...

do i love my country
why yes!

i love my country
because it gave
my parents the opportunity
to start a life in a western
world...

to raise a family,
buy a car and a house
and live with a level
of comfort that my
relatives back in thailand
cannot enjoy

i love my country
because it gave me
the opportunity
as a young woman
born to minority
parents the chance
to make my own choices
get an education
earn respect in a job
and lead the lifestyle
of my choosing

i love my country
because i have friends
and a community
with multi-cultural
backgrounds

i love my country
because it is
the land of opportunity

but do i love my country
in the way
other americans love
their country?

do i hold the same
patriotism
that most of the
nation does?

my patriotism
is built upon
my experiences
as a child and
young adult

my patriotism
is one of many
countries
because my
experiences
have been built
upon the views
of many cultures

my patriotism
goes beyond the
boundries of just
our nation

i didn't even realize that we had
a veteran's day parade

but apparently there will
be one tomorrow

for the first time ever
veteran's day is sparking
my interest

it's like i finally smell
the coffee
i am waking up to the
aroma of that which
is around me and
finally taking my
first sip of witnessing
what it is all about

okay maybe not enough
to witness a city
parade

but enough to take
the time to honor
the memory of those
who have served
their time and pledged
their life in the name
of our country

i suppose many people
join the armed services
for various reasons

financial stability, honor
to your country, honor
to your family and those
that have served before you

i always sort of glazed
over this day of observance

mostly because i was not
connected to anyone that
was a veteran

but this year is different
with the war on iraq

and my new interest
in the happenings
of the war

i want to know what is
really happening
why lives are being shed
how this is affecting
our soldiers
the men and women
who are witnessing
the front lines

i can't even imagine....

it's hard enough for me
to decide if i really want to
go to the gym after work
or not

wow!

more big changes

so curious to see how the democrats
are going to lead change

now that my eyes are actually
open and observant of the politics
of our nation

i will finally witness and follow
what is to come

random thought:

it took me so many years to finally
get interested in politics

i think i was mostly scared
away because it was all
so over my head
and anyone that i knew that
was in to politics was
so overly opinionated that
i never cared to follow

a challenge to myself...
helping other young women
out there to become
aware of what is happening
politically.

...education about politics
in a relaxed and open environment

where not knowing is okay
and sparking a genuine interest
occurs by means of helping
relate big topics to someone
that may not see why they
should take the time to care
and maybe even get involved

i am enjoying this
new sense of calm
that bestows
my soul

i am enjoying the
plateau
the ease of struggle
from trying to make
change

the sense of calm
that i have from
not trying to fight
so hard to be
successful

i am free from
the chaos created
in making
big changes in life

i am allowing myself
the time to enjoy
the comfort of
what is

and am not wrapping
myself up in
what could be
or
what should have been

i have a new sense of
calm bestowed within
me because
i am content
with who
i am
just as i am
today

can it really be all that simple?

withdraw judgement on yourself
relax
and enjoy the moment.

not sure how long this will last,
but this current moment is
really good.

: )

it's a good hump day today.

i'm jazzed to hear that a local woman
nancy pelosi
is set to becoming the
first female house speaker

as i get older i am finally realizing
that paying attention to politics
is very important

duh! right?
i just never had the interest
to follow what was happening

it was over my head
i felt like i couldn't relate
and i felt like i couldn't
make a difference anyway

as i become more comfortable
with myself
with forming an opinion
and taking the time to
understand the things
going on in the world
around me

i am finding that there
is so much to learn
and actually
much to also be excited about

i'm curious to see what will
happen with our new
female house speaker

June Fifth
The Day of the Brilliant Path

Strengths
---------
Energetic
Systematic
Quick-witted

Weaknesses
----------
Anxious
Chaotic
Bewildered

Those born on this day should never lose their enthusiasm, but simply learn to curb it a bit and accept disappointments and setbacks with steadfastness and composure.

Anxieties can be avoided by finding satisfaction in activities which balance both mind and body.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April Twentieth
The Day of Wordly Challenge

Strengths
---------
Powerful
Inspirational
Exciting


Weaknesses
----------
Illusion-prone
Overly Emotional
Power-fixated

Those born on this day are extremely sensitive and highly private individuals. Their sensitivity maylead them to be touchy and high-strung, but also can lend their character a mesmerizing quality wich makes them fascinating to others.

For the most part, they do not avoid problems or conflicts but welcome them. They find refuge in intense excitement and concentrated problem solving.

Gentle and imaginative April 20th people are easily hurt by the criticism or inattention of others.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April Third
The Day of the Fulcrum

Strengths
---------
Good Natured
Unassuming
Fun-Loving

Weaknesses
----------
Demanding
Self-centered
Naive

Don't be so dependent on the approval of others nor possessed with serving them. Find your inner values; guard your spirit and develop hidden talents. Curb the desire to control those you live with; learn to back off and just disappear sometimes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November Twelfth
The Day of Sensual Charisma

Strengths
---------
Magnetic
Seductive
Attractive

Weaknesses
----------
Heavy
Addictive
Troubled

Sensuality and magnetic attraction are central themes in the lives of November 12 people. Sensuality expressed in thier own physical makeup or the works they are involved in producing; magnetism demonstrated in family life, secret love relationships, or in their career or social circle.

Soulcraft

Crossing into the Mysteries
of Nature and Psyche

Bill Plotkin

Chapter 5
The Darkness Shall Be the Light

--
Learning to Choose Authenticity Over Social Acceptance

You learned to distinguish what is true about yourself from what is not, gradually becoming clearer about your genuine attitudes, interests, sytles, desires, values, and emotions.

You learned you could act in accordance with or contrary to, your understanding of yourself. Authenticity, you discovered, is a decision and a skill. You learned to distinguish authenticity from deception, and learned about self-deception as well.

When push came to shove, however you probably treated social acceptance as more essential to your life than authenticity. It was. As you were acquiring social skills, you needed to fit in with your peers and establish a social identity that worked.

Even when you weren't afraid of being rejected, you made some choices on the basis of conformity or group consciousness. You went along with the crowd because it was easier and because, often, you didn't know what you really wanted.

Authenticity and integrity become your foundations for asking the deeper questions of soul.
--

{living in authenticity, i am finding that i can enjoy the moments much more. i do not try as hard and i move at a pace that is relaxing... to me. i am not interrupted with the fight to be somewhere to see someone...to be a better friend, daughter, employee, lover...to give endlessly because i am being moved to please others. i am finally learning that being a good "anything" doesn't necessarily mean making myself endlessly available to everyone. i must first nurture myself in order to be able to nurture others. i am a better listener when i am resolved within. and everyone needs a lending ear some time or other. :) }

Married to the Job

Why We Live to Work and
What We Can Do About It

Ilene Philipson

Chapter Three
The Glue That Holds the Self Together

--
It is in our family, neighborhood, and community that Americans traditonally have been able to connect with "others who provide the time and attention necessary for a sense of an unfolding interior," or a coherent sense of self, to emerge. As those institutions decline, we find ourselves making do with less time and less attention to others. We become the "emotional ascetics," that Arlie Hochschild describes. And, as we do so, our sense of who we are, the cohesiveness of our selves, becomes precarious and depleted.

All too many of us are suffering from attention deficit. As we work more, we have less time, less opportunity to attend to each other's needs. As we suffer from this deficit, this absence of recognition and care in our personal lives, many of us find ourselves working more in order to escape or deny that absence, and to search for the attention we miss.
--

{i used to work endlessly. in small working environments. with small emerging businesses driven by successful entrepreneurs that were work-aholics... and so i started to become a work-aholic just the same. striving to please and make right all the things that were going wrong with the business. i thought by working harder and using my talents to fix the problems that i would find that i would be fulfilling my need to succeed in my career, but i was wrong. i was imbalanced. my single goal to succeed, "to be successful" was never going to be met because success is not found in only one part of your life. there are many variables and many things that make a person happy. i would soon find that giving endlessly to work only tired me and depleted me of the energy to find satisfaction in other parts of my life.}

--
The single most important variable in employee productivity and loyalty turns out to be not pay or perks or benefits or workplace environment. Rather, according to the Gallup Organization, it's the quality of the relationship between employees and their direct supervisors. More specifically, what people want most from their supervisors is the same thing that kids want most from their parents: someone who sets clear and consistent expectations, cares for them, values their unique qualities, and encourages and supports their growth and development. Put another way, the greatest sources of satisfaction in the workplace are internal and emotional (emphasis added).
--

{my satisfaction and success in my current job comes from a manager that believes in my work, allows me to take risks and supports me even when i make a mistake. and when i stumble, i am not reprimanded, instead i am allowed to witness my falter in an objective environment to learn and grow from the experience. today i am more content and confident in my job than i have ever been.}

i thought i had left
a light on in
the kitchen

but to my
surprise
and delight

it was simply
the moon
casting its
hazy glow
upon the city

i looked up
at my skylite
and found the
moon peering
back at me

la bella luna

googlie eyes
ufo ball
and bubbles

nothing like a little gift bag
from heartfelt
to make me feel better

stayed in today
with sniffles and
fatigue

in popped a little angel
with a tiny brown bag
with a little sticker on it
reading
heartfelt

what a sweet little gift bag

who knew that
those silly googlie eyes
with red veins and big
plastic pupils would
make me giggle

and a ufo ball
that lights up when you touch
the metal contact points
at the same time

it is really cool!

close the circuit by
touching one metal
point and have your friend
touch the other contact
point then touch each other
and the ball lights up

bizarre, but lotsa goofy fun

just the silly kinda' thing
to brighten up a day of
bed rest

:)


---
Heartfelt
436 Cortland Ave (Cross Street: Wool Street)
San Francisco, CA 94110View Map
(415) 648-1380

Neither a true home store nor your average gift store, this adorable boutique carries a wild array of truly wacky and unusual things. The extensive collection of stickers, crazy marbles, everything Hello Kitty and other silly knickknacks will send you right back to childhood. Serious shoppers will enjoy the wide array of artful candles, soap and journals, but anyone looking for a goofy gift should head straight to the collection of Virgin Mary night-lights and Marilyn Monroe magnets.

milan kundera

part three
words misunderstood

---
while people are fairly young and the musical composition of their lives is still in its opening bars, they can go about writing it together and exchange motifs (the way Tomas and Sabina exchanged the motif of the bowler hat), but if they meet when they are older, like Franz and Sabina, their musical compostions are more or less complete, and every motif, every object, every word means something different to each of them.

if i were to make a record or all sabina and franz's conversations, i would compile a long lexicon of their misunderstandings.
---

{is it not true that we seem to argue less with the ones we grew up with over misunderstanding because there lies a long history of learning about each other. in the later years it is more about the exploration and appreciation of each other because the misunderstandings came early. this is not always true with family whom we have always misunderstood or have misunderstood us. its almost a non-stop cycle unless we try to break away from our original communication patterns that we had formed. it is difficult to break a familiar pattern especially if we do not choose to change.}

{there are so many obstacles in learning to get to know someone. it is true that the definition of one word for someone vs. the same word for someone else can be so very different. this must be why, when we run into someone that we "connect" with, we have a sense of relief that someone else out there finally understands what we are talking about, what our expectations are and can appreciate what we appreciate.}

milan kundera


part one
lightness and weight

---
the dance seemed to him a declaration that her devotion, her ardent desire to satisfy his every whim, was not necessarily boutd to his person, that if she hadn't met Tomas, she would have been ready to respond to the call of any other man she might have met instead.

--
{one can have many loves. it sometimes seems that there is only "the one" but our capacity to love extends further than we can imagine. we love for different reasons. we love different things in people. and it is possible to love more than one person at the same time.}
--

he realized that tereza's body was perfectly thinkable coupled with any male boday, and the thought put him in a foul mood. not until late that night, at home, did he admit to her he was jealous.

--
jeal‧ous‧y  /ˈdʒɛləsi/
[jel-uh-see]
–noun, plural -ous‧ies

1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

halloween used to
be my
favorite holiday
of the year

isn't that funny?

halloween my most
favoritest holiday
of the year.

is halloween
even really a holiday?

hol‧i‧day  /ˈhɒlɪˌdeɪ/
Pronunciation[hol-i-dey]
–noun

1. a day fixed by law or custom on which ordinary business is suspended in commemoration of some event or in honor of some person.

i guess technically...not...a holiday

surprisingly i think i've grown
out of my love for halloween

it's more like
just an
appreciation

what is my favorite holiday now??

hhmmmm....

i have always had
a love for the open road

i was born with the appreciation
of the sunday afternoon drive

i am the ultimate passenger
eyes big full of the
looky-loos

absorbing all that passes by
and taking in new adventures

the open road
brings me much gratitude

3 days in the cute lil mini
800 miles of northern california road
2 cheap motels
and lotsa lotsa cool cars

the 2006 moto melee
opened my eyes up to
small windy roads
and little towns
in the middle
of nowhere

glen livet event at edelman leather
a bit of fun with the mariani crew

Yipppeee...

i've finally found a little place to post
a few thoughts
log a few insights
and organize my journaling

so here it is
my cup of joe
a small dose of me

i love handwriting
and outpouring on paper
but it's just damn easier to
type sometimes

took my stab at a typewriter
but i make far too many
mistakes and i could only
back erase so much before
i'd run out of my reel of eraser
which i have no idea how
to replace

plus, my neighbors and
my roommate will
love me so much more
without the sound of
clack, clack, clack

thanks henry for recommending
livejournal!